I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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