I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
