I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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