just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
third nipple confirmed
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
