Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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