So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
