did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
