got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
