I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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