You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
