If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
