His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
third nipple confirmed
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
