2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
