Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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