We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Redeem this text for a blowjob
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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