I wish my penis had an off switch
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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