i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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