Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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