glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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