worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
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The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
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Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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