We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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