You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
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why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
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We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.