I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.