Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
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Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
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I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.