he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
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I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
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I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad