i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING