Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
