Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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