i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
