Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
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I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
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we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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