My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
