matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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