my vag is so smooth its legendary
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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