she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
