Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
