Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Randomize
