i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
