mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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