We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
