i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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