Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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