On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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