I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
