just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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