YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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