Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
