I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
