I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
