I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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