I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
