considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
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