I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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