It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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