so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Everclear isn't food dammit
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
