sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
