I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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