so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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