I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
