If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
If I die, sorry about rent.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
