This is not my ceiling
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize