forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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