i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
