so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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