11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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