Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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