Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
