Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize