Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
